This is the “let’s catch up” blog

July – August

I believe the last time I had the pleasure of writing to you about my life’s adventures was about three or four months ago! YIKES! Writers block much? My fans have been wondering where I’ve been so I have I owe you all some major updates!!!

Things have been kind of crazy since the last time we met, and my experience thus far has been night and day! I’ve been living here in Mozambique for a year and a month, and time has flown by! I can barely believe it myself. Things have changed, I have changed, and well…..I’m feelin’ good. Its been a crazy past almost-year,….. Let me catch you up since June…..

End of June…..Sunshowers so to speak.....

We left off around the 11th of June, and trying to remember what has happened in pc since then has been a lil fuzzy. The rest of June was kind of one big blur that leaded to a series of emotional rollercoasters and a heavy addiction to watching seasons 1 and 2 of Modern Family. The main cause of all of this was lack of work and feeling like this whole thing was somewhat pointless. Now we’ve talked about how my organization has no real work for me to do before, and how it’s been a struggle for me since I got here. For a second, I thought everything that was going wrong with work was somehow my fault, but then I said to myself, “this cant be me.” I was really at the point where I felt like enough is enough! I’ve sat at my org every day and done little next to nothing, and for some reason my boss was ok with that. It hindsight its very hard to stay at a place when you feel unproductive, and useless. I have other projects and outside work that I do which make me feel good about site, but there was still an issue with the org. So I started to involve PC Staff in my issue, to let them know what was going on at my site. The response I received was two fold – on one hand I was told to venture out to other work in the community and focus on outside projects. On the other, I was told to “make it work.” Well I liked the first hand better, and I didn’t know what “make it work” meant.
I try to take everything with a grain of salt. So getting back to the reflection stage – I decided to talk to the previous volunteer before me, to ask him about things that were bothering me about work and this org. He told me that unfortunately, yes, I’d have a harder time at “integrating” than he did because of the issues of gender and race. He also said he as well struggled a lil bit with our org in terms of work – and it took him about a year and a half to start “digging into” the job. That part made me feel a lot better, because then I was certain that it wasn’t just me! Then he told me that my org asks for a volunteer because 1. It’s a status symbol and they try and make themselves look good, and 2. They think I’m going to do big projects and bring in lots of money-which I won’t. He advised me to hang in there, that we’ve all had those moments of wanting to leave, and to take things one day at a time. So while I sat, munching on grapefruits and granola, I thought about everything – about how I could turn a negative into a positive. There is something about Mozambique and about having this experience, that made me not want to give up quite yet. Truth be told- I’m still not a huge fan of my org – but there were other things and people that kept me here – mainly my amazing REDES girls. They look up to me, so I thought about what would happen to me if I left without getting the chance to work with them just a lil while longer. Yet still, July was definitely a month of stress…..and it was also a busy month with 2 conferences, 1 training, and a hell of a lot of bad surprises…….shall we?

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Its always nice to have a break away from site and see all the other volunteers in my group during conferences n stuff. We all get together, talk, laugh, chill, talk about mosquitos….but it was hard for me to stay focused during July. My body was physically present during these events, but my mind was far……faaaaar away. I’ll tell you why.

Training 1- REDES. During July14-17th there was a REDES meeting to prepare for the upcoming conference that took place in Barra, Inhambane, a small group of about 8 volunteers. (Redes – Raparigas em Desenvolvimento, Educação e Saúde – is a girl’s development group and one of my secondary projects) Even though I was already stressed about lack of work at site, and other non-important drama that encircles my day to day life, I was actually looking forward to spending a few days in Maputo and hanging out with some peeps. It was a short time period, but the first two days went by just fine. Everyone participated in the agenda and plans for the girls, and it felt good to have a positive distraction. And then right when the sunshine spreads its rays, a damn rain cloud comes bursting through outta nowhere! Sadly to say, my sweet, beautiful and favorite dog in the world, Pepper died in a bad car accident while I was away in Maputo.

(Moment of silence………….) Long story short, someone entered my house, stole my food,and my dog followed after him all the way to the main road. Apparently a car came down the road, hit Pepper, and he died three hours later. I could go into detail about what I thought happened, or what people told me happened, but I wasn’t there and don’t even want to think about if something else happened that night too. Anyways I was so upset. Not only was he a rare looking dog – all black with brown spots, clean, healthy, and smart- he was also my security. Its already tough sleeping alone at night in a creepy house with rats, crickets, and occasional tarantulas, but its even worse when your “guard” isn’t laying outside your doorstep anymore. Some of you reading this probably think its silly to cry and be upset over a dog, but it was a big deal. I couldn’t’ really talk to the guy about the incident in detail, but I had to suck up the tears, filter my face, and go back in the conference room. It was at that moment though, that I wanted to just go back to the hotel room, eat some ice cream, and be alone.
When the REDES conference over, I went home, checked on my house, and unpack and repack for the most dreaded conference I was not looking forward to – PDM – Project…development…..i don’t know, something. Not only was I not in the mood for this, but I didn’t want to go to because you needed to bring a counterpart –and mine bailed out a week before. But I found a replacement at the last minute. I only had 2 days in between Redes and PDM, so I was tired and ms.crankypants. But I made through it!

Last trip away from site – mid-August PSN Training (Peer Support Network). Ok, so this one I actually loved. So PSN is a group of volunteers who are peers to trainees and other volunteers. Kind of like a buddy system type thing. Its actually ironic that I out of all people who applied, got chosen for this, because even though I seemed like I could handle everything, I myself felt like at times I needed someone to talk to. But as it turned out I got in, I was just happy I did. And believe it or not, being a new PSN actually was my therapy and my way to deal with my own emotions. A few people told me, “oh yea, you’d be perfect for psn…..that’s so you,” and I thought, maybe you’re right. Why not? And I absolutely love the new group of volunteers that have recently arrived at their sites. I’ve met most of them, and seeing a new group come into Mozambique has actually gave me more motivation, and then I thought about how I was when I first came here. I’m talking like a grandmother haha, but it’s the truth. Its been a lil over a year that I arrived here looking like a lost puppy not knowing what the heck was about to happen – but if I made it this far, who or what is going to stop me from going further? So……..further I went….